Is ‘Skinny Love’ about domestic abuse?

Justin Vernon, who wrote Skinny Love, has been reluctant to talk about the story behind the song, beyond confirming that the term ‘Skinny Love’ suggests a relationship that is weak, founded on deprivation and will not last. However, with the imagery used within the song and with an interest in domestic abuse, I was left wondering whether the song was not just about a poor relationship, but about an abusive one. The song has been covered by both male and female signers and I like the non-gendered premise of the song. I have provided my own interpretation of the song below and would be interested to hear what you think.

Is it just an unhappy relationship or is it domestic abuse? You can listen to it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aNzCDt2eidg

Skinny Love

Come on skinny love just last the year

In this line we hear the longing for the love to become more enriching, something that will last the test of time. It is also reminiscent of the feeling often described by people who have experienced abuse of feeling that the relationship was about to end and they needed to do something to stop that from happening. The plea to find to find a way to extend the relationship is often remembered at the relationship finally ends.

Pour a little salt we were never here

This seems to come from the belief that salt, if thrown over a shoulder, can stop evil from happening. The sentiment seems to be that salt could prevent them from behaving this way again and they could both forget about it. In the Cycle of Abuse, this is a common element as the couple try to make up after what has appeared to be a shocking incident for them both.

My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my

The use of this refrain gives a sense of reflection, of wondering about what has happened and, perhaps, what response is required.

Staring at the sink of blood and crushed veneer

As the person reflects, they look at the damage done. Blood suggests some painful injury, but whether that is veneer from furniture or veneer from a tooth or something else, will only be know to the writer, but nevertheless the violence associated with it is clear.

I tell my love to wreck it all

This could be either the writer telling the other person to wreck it all, or themselves to wreck it all, owning their love. It seems almost an invitation to do more so that it is clearer that the relationship is one that should be ended, rather than something indistinct, which again fits with the pattern of domestic abuse. Given the following line, it may be easier to see this as telling the other person.

Cut out all the ropes and let me fall

This seems to follow from the previous sentence, where there is a plea to release the person from the relationship and let them go.

My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my

Right in this moment this order's tall

This again shows some reflection on the part of the writer and recognising that, given what’s happened, it is asking a lot of them to allow the relationship to continue.

I told you to be patient

I told you to be fine

I told you to be balanced

I told you to be kind

This chorus recognises that as the author had requested some changes in behaviours to make the relationship work. This may have been as the relationship progressed, which would fit with domestic abuse. It may have been as they decided to have a relationship and they were aware of some changes that needed to be made. Either way, this seems to reflect that the relationship has not delivered what had been asked or negotiated for.

In the morning I'll be with you

But it will be a different kind

I'll be holding all the tickets

And you'll be owning all the fines

This section seems to bring the possibility of police action where an individual might seek support from the police which might result in a successful prosecution and a fine as a result. This shows that the person is fully aware now that the event was beyond that expected in a relationship and that they might be prepared to take that action.

Come on skinny love what happened here

Suckle on the hope in lite brassiere

Here the writer is asking the other person to explain what has happened and why. The second line suggests that the person simply says it won’t happen again and all will be well, again a common response with domestic abuse. This is turn creates hope for the person being abused that it will end well and they may be prepared to work things through.

My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my

Sullen load is full; so slow on the split

Here the author once again reflects on the incident and on the relationship as it is currently and recognises that the other can be sullen, difficult to work with, and yet reluctant to make the split in the relationship. This is difficult to understand as why would someone want to maintain a relationship that makes them so angry and unhappy.

I told you to be patient

I told you to be fine

I told you to be balanced

I told you to be kind

This seems to be more of a pleading that if only the other person had done as they asked, this situation would not have occurred.

Now all your love is wasted?

At this point, the writer is suggesting that this was a step too far and one that cannot be remedied, which means that all the effort the other person put into getting into the relationship (and abusers often put a lot of effort into the start of a relationship) was now wasted as the relationship was over.

Then who the hell was I?

This again is a common response from people in an abusive relationship as they feel they lose their identity as they try to do the best they can for the abuser. Sometimes people wonder who they are now and whether they will ever be the person they once were.

Now I'm breaking at the britches

This could be a reflection of the impact of an abusive relationship on the writer’s self-esteem or self-confidence, no longer feeling ‘big for their britches’ but feeling that their confidence has been completely broken.

And at the end of all your lines

Often in an abusive relationship the abuser will tell lies about what happened and this can be confusing for the person hearing this as it does not fit with their experience. This line gives this sense of breaking in terms of their sanity, of finding it difficult to know what the truth actually is. This destabilising part of the relationship can cause lasting damage to mental health and it can take time to feel secure and safe (and not breaking) when in relationship with others.

Who will love you?

Here the writer is asking the abuser who would love someone who would behave this way, recognising that healthy relationships resolve conflict without resorting to violence. Most people would not want a violent relationship and it suggests that without changes in behaviour, the person is unlikely to find a long term relationship.

Who will fight?

This simply asks the question which person would want to physically fight or fight for the relationship when violence occurs. Whilst in an abusive relationship, there can be many times where the couple will make up, and some point the person being abused will say enough and leave. The writer is suggesting that this will happen to the other person again and again.

Who will fall far behind?

This seems to suggest that staying in and maintaining an abusive relationship will have a detrimental effect on the person being abused. Often people are isolated as well as physically and emotionally abused, which means they miss out on friendships, family events, and work opportunities. As such they can appear to ‘fall far behind’ their peer group as they fail to reach the promise that they has once had, simply because of their relationship. Missed events such as births and deaths can never be made up and the person may be poorer for this happening.

My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my

The song ends with the reflective commentary again as the author reflects on the end of the relationship and the difficulties that anyone getting into such a relationship with the other person will have. The tailing off of the song here reflects the end of the relationship as the writer leaves.