10 signs that counselling might be helpful after domestic abuse

1. Do you feel that you are existing, rather than living your life to the full?

2. Do you feel that you are on edge all the time, waiting for something to happen, even if you have been separated for a while?

3. Do you find yourself experiencing high levels of anxiety if a text, social media post or email arrives on your phone from your ex-partner?

4. Do you find it difficult to get up in the morning because you feel there is little that you enjoy in life?

5. Do you find it difficult to go to bed at night as you don’t want to experience the dreams that you have?

6. Do you have intrusive thoughts/memories during the day or whilst asleep of things that happened during your relationship which are threatening or provoke shame or guilt?

7. Are you struggling to reconnect with people, spending time alone, when previously you would have enjoyed going out and meeting people?

8. Do you feel that you could never have another relationship with someone because of what happened in your abusive relationship?

9. Are you feeling overwhelmed by ongoing contact with your abuser, perhaps through a court system, or the need for contact due to custody of children?

10. Are you in a new relationship, but finding that your experiences of your past relationship are affecting the new one, causing problems for you both?

Whilst there are many other reasons for seeking counselling, these tend to be the ones that we see in counselling quite often. The experiences of domestic abuse can reduce our ability to trust ourselves and others, restricting our ability to fully live our lives. The memories of things that happened during the relationship can keep recurring, which continually reminds us of what happened and appears to hold us in that relationship long after it is technically over, which in turn can affect our self-confidence and self-esteem. Our physical response to those memories leads to higher levels of anxiety in many areas of our lives, as we are continually on edge waiting for someone to judge us negatively or respond aggressively. A combination of anxiety and low self-confidence can limit our social engagement which also has a negative impact on mental health. Feeling isolated, stressed and finding it difficult to move on with life can negatively impact mood.

Sometimes, even when people are in new relationships that appear to be healthy, memories of the old relationship can crop up and lead to making inappropriate responses to your new partner. Whilst you can apologise and explain, this can lead to some frustration for you both if you continue to misjudge your new partner and their intentions.

At Dactari, we understand how domestic abuse can happen and the effects that it can have on someone and that this is important to people who have experienced abuse. We know that everyone’s experience is different. What is a problem for one person may not be a problem for another. For that reason, we work with you to explore what happened to you and how you felt about that, so that we can help you to see things in a way that helps you to leave the abusive relationship behind and move on with your life. We believe that finding the right therapy/therapist after domestic abuse can be life changing and life enhancing. We love working with people and seeing them grow into their new lives.

If you feel you might benefit from counselling after domestic abuse, please do give us a call or email us (info@dactari.co.uk) and we will get back to you quickly to talk about how we can help.